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Showing posts from 2015

Humari Adhuri Kahani

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As she clicked one selfie after another, to get the right picture, Sudha realized that the smile that she had bravely plastered in front of the camera was not reaching her eyes. Her eyes still looked sad and forlorn. The lipstick and the jewelry added a bit of color, but her eyes betrayed her sadness. Last week, she had stood stoically in the courtroom, with her soon to be ex- husband standing next her. As the clerk shuffled the divorce papers, there was a pit in her stomach and her heart was beating erratically. Sudha's hands were numb and the conversation between them was stilted.  Sudha's gaze moved to the bindi on her forehead as she looked in the cellphone and it took her back to her wedding day. Arun and Sudha had met in Bangalore through common friends. Though they did not know each other earlier, the chance introduction turned into friendship and both were drawn to each other. Their friendship turned to attraction and both soon realized that they were in love. 

85 thoughts of a Fat girl when out for a run

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Fat girl and running seems to be an oxymoron and there is a possibility that people might read the title of the post again, thinking that I made a typing mistake A fat person and running seems a combination which is difficult for most people to comprehend.  Many look at me with disbelief when I tell them that I have started to run. Some have even passed snide remarks asking me if I even knew what running was and whether new potholes have appeared on the roads where I run. Well, I being me.. left the haters gaping, when I started participating in marathons and running 5K distances. That was the best retort I could give them. I started training late last year and have written about it in this post. Now, every time I lace up those shoes, a thrill goes through me and I am waiting for my shoes to eat up the kilometers. I don't run to lose weight, I run for fun and what fun I am having.  Every runner will know that a myriad of thoughts go through their minds while runni

Nothing Lasts Forever

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I know, I am posting on my blog infrequently these days and my blog readership has plummeted to an all time low. In the past, this would have affected me, but now, I write only when I feel I have something concrete to say or share. I now write to feel fulfilled and express myself and not to increase readership. This perceptible shift in focus has given me the flexibility to write what I want and when I want it. The year is already half over and though not much has changed outwardly in my life, a major change has happened under the surface. I have written about the changes happening in my life, in my previous posts. Today, as I look at the year that has gone by, I realize that I have grown as a person in leaps and bounds, having learnt from some of the toughest challenges life has thrown at me. The past month has been especially rewarding since I have now understood the actual meaning of "letting go". In the truest sense, I have let go. I have gone past the hurt, disappoin

Waiting to Exhale

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These days, my posts are all about the past and looking back, like my last post, Is goodbye just another word?  The past few years have been one of change. Good or bad? I don't know that, only time will tell, but yes, things have changed, and my world has altered beyond recognition. The change has happened at break-neck speed and it has left me running hard, literally and figuratively, trying to keep up with the change. This change threw up surprises and challenges  my way and made me a different person. Now, I welcome new experiences with open arms, as it gives me the opportunity to rediscover myself and my own strengths and vulnerabilities. I am learning to own every moment of this new adventure and experiencing the highs and lows of this new journey. After an extremely stressful one year, on the personal front, I delved into a 3-day break with close friends and escaped to a place called Tarkarli. A place where the ocean and river unite, where the choppy blue waters are tee

Is goodbye just another word?

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A few days back, I was listening to one of Lobo's song, " Goodbye is just another word ", and it got me thinking about whether that is true. Is goodbye just another word? Goodbye means till we meet again. When I was younger, saying goodbye to someone did not put a thought in my mind. Life was fresh, full of promises and my eyes were focussed on the future. Now, I am looking back more than ever..some would call it midlife..or taking stock. Whatever it is, I am looking at the past and have dissected it to shreds, turned it upside down, inside out and have pondered deeply about the choices I have made in life. I keep thinking of the relationships that were made and torn down, the people who came into my life, people who decided to leave and people who have stayed with me for nearly three decades. I have come to realize one thing, these days, for me, it has become harder to say goodbye. Like fleeting shadows, people have been passing through life, old friends, colleagues

A journey to find the real Me

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Today, as I walked out of the cinema, after watching the movie "Wild", I had no sense of time or space. It was as if my mind was in a haze, and I didn't know where I was going. I even crashed into a few traffic cones driving out of the movie hall. People came and helped to untangle my bike, but it still did not drive me out of the fog. My eyes were drenched and my heart was heavy as if it was made of lead. I sobbed all the way home, unheeded to the traffic around me. I sobbed my guts out and it felt good, it felt cathartic. We all cry, some loudly and some in the corner of their minds. Grief, I believe, can manifest itself in many different ways. For Cheryl, the actress in the movie, it manifested in taking drugs and sleeping with men, a series of self-destructive behaviour, trying to cope with her mother's death. My tears were so much for Cheryl, as they were for myself. I could identify with her journey of walking a 1000 miles through the harsh wilderness, to fi

A fresh page - A fresh start

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There is a sense of realization that life has come a full circle, as I sweep the cobwebs and clean the dust that has gathered on this space. My last post was nearly 10 months back and this period has been one of rediscovery and shedding off my old self. The last year has been one of rebirth, rejuvenation, testing my endurance and understanding my own strength. Last year, at this time, I had completed my 40th birthday and was lying on the hospital bed, groggy from the anaesthesia and medicines pumped in my body, during my hysterectomy . It was one of the scariest, as well as a very hopeful period of my life. Scary, cause I was worried about the outcome and full of hope because of the promise of a pain-free future. After 7 years of struggling with pain, it was a testing time to know how life will unfold. I have not been writing much in the past year, not that I did not want to, it was just a decision I took to  rest and recover and find a new direction in life. The period of hiber