The Split 2
Shruti's reverie was broken as Vikas walked in the kitchen and picked up his cup of tea and sat in front of the television, to watch a Cricket match. She sat at the dining table with her tea wondering when things had changed so much. She had started noticing his long absences just a month back. He was in the shower every morning or getting dressed by the time she got up. Most days he rushed out of the house without eating any breakfast and came late at night, after she was already in bed. On the face of it everything appeared normal and anyone who knew them would not find anything different about them either.
Shruti knew that something had changed imperceptibly between her and Vikas after the miscarriage. It was as if an invisible barrier had grown between them. Their conversations had become cursory and whenever they did talk, it was about mundane everyday things. Many times the silence between them was so thick that she felt she could cut it with a knife.
Every morning as Shruti lay in bed watching the sun rays quietly enter the room, she could still smell the distinct scent of Vikas's Old Spice aftershave. The smell that evoked memories of so many mornings of tangled bed covers and lying in bed in his arms. The passion of his touch and his warm breath stroking her cheeks. Shruti looked over at the impression in the bed, where Vikas slept and thought of him longingly. Vikas had moved to sleeping in the guest bedroom so as not to disturb her, when he got up early, to go to work.
The yawning distance between them had slowly grown over time, as Shruti had withdrawn from everyone after the miscarriage. The loss of the baby had been devastating, especially since she had come to know that she had very little chance of ever getting pregnant again. It was a miracle that she had been pregnant in the first place. Vikas had been like a rock, standing next to her through the ordeal. He had been patient and understanding with her. He tried to cheer her up by making dinner and movie plans so that she would start getting back to her old self.
Shruti avoided his touch and feigned tiredness every time Vikas tried to become intimate. Not that she had stopped loving Vikas, it was that every time Vikas came close to her, she felt ashamed of her body. Her body, which had deceived her into thinking that she could give life. She felt as if she had cheated him out of becoming a father, something which he had wanted so strongly. The futility of it all, washed over her and made her push him away. And so the distance had grown, both she and Vikas were like two ships passing each other in the storm. As Vikas spent more and more time away from home, Shruti became even more lonely.
The next part will follow shortly...
Click here to read the first part of "The Split".
Oh!! That's sad. :(ReplyDelete
A gripping tale.... waiting for the next part!
I know Shilpa...It is a difficult part in a couple's marriage...when they lose a child...ReplyDelete
Agree, have seen a friend experience the same thing as Shruti of this story. She blamed herself for the loss of her child and that took a toll on her marriage.ReplyDelete
I had a miscarriage but fortunately we accepted it as our loss and not as my loss alone and this definitely strengthened our bond.
Waiting for the next part to come....ReplyDelete
Until then read me on:
That's moving and so real - how the grief over a loss can plant the seeds for more lossReplyDelete
Nice advancement. Initially I felt that it was Vikas who wanted to distance himself from Shruti, however, later realized that it was Shruti who wanted the same. Somehow, I could not digest Vikas submitting to getting distanced from her since he always stood like a rock.ReplyDelete
Waiting for the next part.
Interesting.... Read both the parts together.... waiting for the next one...ReplyDelete
Very interesting ! Waiting to read the rest..ReplyDelete
Feeling sadder than the first part ...ReplyDelete
But I understand how guilt and self hatred leads to this. We women love doing that to ourselves.
And it is very important for spouses to understand what we are going through at these times.
That happens Shilpa...the burden of getting pregnant is on the woman so it is not uncommon when women blame themselves.ReplyDelete
Good to know that you guys were strong and managed to hold on to each other through tough times.
Thanks for sticking around and reading. Will check out your blog :)ReplyDelete
Thanks Suresh. Yeah that is what happens when people drift apart because of the loss they experience in their life..ReplyDelete
Vikas also was going though a loss after the miscarriage. People behave unpredictably when they go through tough times.ReplyDelete
Thanks Amod...will write the next one soon...ReplyDelete
Thanks :) Will write the next one soon..ReplyDelete
Punam this is a sad story unfortunately but I have seen this happen. People start building walls to handle stress and keep them up for too long.ReplyDelete
This is so real...It sounds like the story of someone I know....ReplyDelete
Oh :( this is sad.....the story is a figment of my imagination..of course there is a bit of reality thrown in...ReplyDelete
Sad it is! Wish Shruti could seek some grief counseling. In our country, people just expect someone to move on after a loss not realizing how the emotional scars can lead to depression and further problems! My heart goes out to both of them.ReplyDelete
I know...there are hardly any places that have this kind services. I had myself faced difficulty in finding a counselor after my IVF. Earlier in joint families no one needed outside help but now with nuclear families one feels the need to talk to someone who has the patience and training to understand you.ReplyDelete
That is so sad when one partner pulls away from the other. Looking forward to seeing the next part now!ReplyDelete
I know it is sad but it is also a reality for many people. There are some feelings that cannot be explained to anyone and so that person keeps it bottled up which leads to couples drifting apart..ReplyDelete